How to talk to kids about puberty.
Puberty may be a normal part of growing up, but that doesn’t make it any less strange for kids experiencing it—or parents trying to guide them through it. Changing bodies, new emotions and unfamiliar sensations can raise plenty of questions and concerns. Dr. Toni Kim, founder of LIFE Pediatric Endocrinology in Sandy Springs, explains how parents can make puberty less mysterious, support their children and keep the lines of communication open.
Talk Before It Starts
Don’t wait for the first signs of puberty to begin the conversation. Without preparation, normal developments can be alarming. For instance, Kim says children sometimes mistake breast buds, which can temporarily occur in boys, too, for tumors. She recommends giving kids a basic, age-appropriate understanding of what’s ahead before changes occur. “You don’t need to go through everything at 7 or 8 years old,” she says. Instead, explain that everyone’s body gradually changes from a child’s body into an adult’s and that it happens at different ages and rates. When speaking with your kids, keep your tone matter-of-fact and the door open for questions. “They just need a cue from parents that it’s a normal part of life, and it’s OK,” Kim says. Don’t rush to fill an awkward silence, either. Give kids time to process information and formulate questions.
Expect Big Adolescent Feelings
Puberty isn’t only physical. The brain is undergoing significant development, too, which helps explain the emotional highs and lows often associated with adolescence. Kim says “middle school is the one time in life when it’s normal to be a psychopath” because brain systems involved in emotions develop on a different timeline from areas responsible for regulating them. She recommends avoiding serious conversations when your child is at an emotional extreme without ignoring inappropriate or rude behavior. Revisit what happened once they’re calmer and help them recognize that intense feelings pass while establishing boundaries for unacceptable conduct. One idea: Let your child determine a code word or phrase you can use as a cue to help them reset when emotions escalate.
Body Care Guidance
When it comes to hygiene and appearance, Kim recommends treating new routines as another part of learning to care for the body. Applying deodorant and face washing can be introduced much like brushing and flossing teeth rather than as criticism about body odor or acne. As for body hair management, if a girl isn’t yet bothered by new hair growth or a boy is interested in grooming his changing body, Kim suggests letting kids take the lead and not making it another source of conflict. “Leave kids alone until they are asking for hair removal. Then I’m a big fan of offering an electric razor,” she says.
Seek Professional Help If Needed
If signs of puberty appear before age 8 in girls or 9 in boys, or if development seems to be progressing unusually quickly, Kim suggests talking with your pediatrician or pediatric endocrinologist to rule out an underlying medical or hormonal cause. Need some help starting the conversation about puberty? Your pediatrician can pitch in with that. “Kids have questions, and they are confused and concerned about what they see happening. They will hear other kids talking about things,” she says. Whether from you or their doctor, providing honest, developmentally appropriate information gives them a trusted place to find answers.
LIFE PEDIATRIC ENDOCRINOLOGY
678.509.6555
lifeendo.com
@lifepediatricendocrinology
