I have been married almost 21 years, so I like to think that I do a pretty good job as husband. We all like to think we do a pretty good job as a spouse. As it stands, what’s most interesting about my day to day job isn’t the nuts and bolts of crunching numbers and figuring out how much money people need for retirement. The most enlightening part of my profession is seeing the dynamics of the emotional exchange of words between two spouses around their family finances. We don’t often really think through what we are saying to one another, and just one word or comment could set your spouse off into a 4th of July fireworks session. Here are four money phrases you don’t say to your wife or spouse.
- Is That New? – Hmmmm…. On the surface, this one seems kind of harmless, doesn’t it? But, there really is no great way to say ‘is that new’ no matter how you slice up the pie. This phrase is likely to lead to some sort of squabble. Imagine you come home after a busy day and notice a centerpiece on your kitchen island that you have not seen before. While the proper comment is probably something like, “Wow, that is an amazing centerpiece!”, unfortunately our brains don’t think that fast. Now, if we don’t notice the centerpiece at all, that’s double trouble too, because it is right there in front of our face. Not noticing is not only an out, it’s worse. If you do notice and say, “Is that new?” no matter how you verbalize it, the comment will be received as a challenger around spending money that should not have been spent. Try to gather yourself and make a statement about how beautiful this new item looks.
- Your Mother (Family) Does The Same Thing – It’s hard enough getting into a marital situation where both of you absolutely love each other’s family. If you do have that situation, count your blessings. In the heat of battle when it comes to money, any comment related to your spouse’s mother or family is sure to drive a stake between you and your spouse. A great example of this is if your spouse goes out and buys a bunch of new flowers for the house. You have hit your limit of seeing fresh new flowers come into the house as you see it as a waste of money. In a brief moment where your brain lapses you say, “You know honey, your mother wastes so much money on flowers. I don’t get why we need so many flowers. It just seems like a waste of money.” That kind of comment will get you in the dog house.
- You Don’t Earn Any Money – If you make a choice where one spouse works and the other doesn’t, saying this phrase during the course of any argument is a sure fire way to stop the flow of conversation for the rest of the weekend. Whether your spouse does not earn a living or they earn less than you, each partner does a job in the family that adds significant value. This is paramount when it comes to the job of raising your children. Can you really put a price on what this is worth? Under no circumstances do you say this to your spouse.
- What’s this charge for…..? – So many routes to take this one, but at its base level once you start getting into nitty gritty of your American Express or Visa card, it is bound to created animosity between you and your spouse. You would be better off setting some sort of monthly budget or spending limit as a family so you don’t have to question each line item on the card. When your spouse tells you the charge from Foot Locker is for two pairs of sneakers for $300, you’ll go ballistic on how sneakers can possibly cost so much because you haven’t really priced out the new Nike kicks.
This isn’t a complete list, but I would love to hear your thoughts on the one money phrase you think you should never say to your spouse?
Written by: Ted Jenkin
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